We guarantee quality work when washing your vehicle, and we excel at what we do with a bucket and sponge.

Oreo has a great time running off with chamois leathers and trying to splash about in the soapy water, generally causing a nuisance and being far too friendly. Please watch out for soapy paws on you. He loves to be fussed, but is deaf, so won’t hear you if you tell him to bugger off.

We are very responsible in handling car washing equipment, and we are fully insured in case we fuck up and use the wrong polish. If Oreo decides to piss on your tyre, we will use our special tyre cleaner to make sure there are no smells of ammonia or traces of urine left.

We will be transparent about our prices and our capabilities. If your car is a bag of shit with dents our polishing skills have no hope of disguising, we'll tell you. We'll be honest about the fact that you can roll a turd in glitter, but it's still a turd. We can't make dents disappear (that's Hogwarts territory). We'll make the bits that aren't dented look absolutely stunning though, promise!

Oh yeah, we're solid, reliable, and totally trustworthy. We'll wash your car without a single scratch, promise! We'll also leave the interior spotless, perfectly tidy, and smelling downright delightful... and no, we don't mean that dubious "countryside fresh" vibe (you know, the one that smells suspiciously like cow pat).